Experiencing Firsts
I’m somewhat of an adrenaline junky. I like to joke that I ride the line between calculated risk and stupidity a lot of times and have a laundry list of broken bones to prove it. When the novelty of something new wears off—my desire for it either disappears, I build on it with increased difficulty, or I change direction entirely. Sometimes I push it too far, but ultimately walk away every time a little wiser or as I call it, seasoned.
If you want real perspective, ask any older person to recall some of their fondest memories, and there’s a good chance they will tell you stories from when they were between the ages of 15 and 30. This is known as the reminiscence effect when experiencing a lot of first generally occure.
Every year when someone wishes me Happy Birthday, I make sure to ask them what they remember being that age. This year at 31, I commonly heard about people being buried in responsibilities that come along with raising a family. As for me, I would tell them I was building my career as a designer. I was single, living in Colorado for a second year. I was building a community of friends and recovering from the fatigue post COVID.
When you’re in your teens, there are a lot of firsts, while firsts after 30 start to become rarer as you start to settle into your way of life. A vast majority of people’s vivid memories happen either from first-time experiences or unique events. When things go as planned, your brain goes into auto-pilot by dismissing a lot of details. When things don’t go according to plan, the details and situations are engraved into your memory more profoundly because you most likely had to address the situation using your senses, emotions and problem solving skills which plant more touch-points to recall the events.
The memories are stronger based on the intensity of the emotions, the experience involved, the impact the event had on your life (both at the time of the memory and also in retrospect), and the estimated date of the experience you remembered. When you’re not forming memories, you’re perception of time alters.
The entirety of your life and who you are is based on having initially been introduced to, exposed, taught, learned, tried, explored, wanted, needed, and desired something new. A lot of your firsts were out of necessity and curiosity—others out of responsibility, obligation, and impulse, and some were out of coercion, guilt, or even force. You are the sum of your firsts and what you chose to do with them.
The hardest and toughest things to do in life are things you’ve never done before. If you’ve never done it before; it probably involves stepping into the unknown, change, taking a chance, making a decision without knowing the outcome—and other things most people are adverse to. Know that the first time, will be toughest, but it will be the only time it’s the first time.
Many firsts from childhood were experienced for survival and are part of finding belonging to the world. However, once you reach a certain age, and what you need to know to survive is second nature, you get to select what new things you introduce yourself to (minus unexpected firsts). Out of those firsts, a few will take root and become part of your life, habits, and routines.
The vast majority of firsts you experience in your lifetime, will be just that—things you’ll experience or have happen to you, but you’ll never do again. Doesn’t mean they aren’t important, don’t have a huge effect on you or haven’t/aren’t going to shape who you are. I’m a firm believe in trying everything at least once, which stems from both curiosity and non-judgmental attitude. If I am talking about it, yet I haven’t experienced it, it’s because I’m fascinated by it and am seeking information before experiencing it.
You are the sum of your firsts—past and future. The imprints of your life are in the experiences you’ve had and who they made you. All those experiences started with a first. The primary way for you to keep learning and growing is through having new experiences. You had to first learn to crawl, then standup, then walk, and eventually run—mastering those skills lead you to the discovery of many other things. Same is still true now, trying something for the first time remains the catalyst to many other firsts.
Fun fact, death is the final first you get to experience.
-Busy Brain