Unpopular Opinion
How do you share an unpopular opinion? How do you open a discussion that has predisposed tension without loosing someone or your relative reputation with that person? Sharing your opinion without loosing people’s respect takes a fair degree of psychological effort, but if done right, can maintain mutual understanding without disrupting the relationship.
The first and most effective is making someone laugh. If you can get someone to laugh, they are more likely to be okay with what you said even if said differently they would hate it. Catch them off guard with a ridiculous and specific premise or image. The specificity drills home the point and distracts the listener by picturing the ridiculous premise.
The second part would be to begin by validating the other side first. This is called pacing their reality. Partially affirm what they believe before going into your own controversial opinion. It’s only after you make it clear that you agree with certain points the other side has that you can then go into your potentially controversial opinion. After sharing your unpopular opinion that “it doesn’t justify, but there are reasons” approach, you can circle back and address the most obvious objections to your point by extending an olive branch to meet on common ground. Validate the other side where you can, voice you own unpopular opinion, address the most common objection and then try to end on common ground. This will allow people to agree with your unpopular opinion without without feeling like they need to change any of their high-level values.
The fear that most people have in sharing an unpopular opinion is that it will make people like them less because people often interpret an opinion that’s the opposite of one they hold as a direct attack on their beliefs and therefore their identity.
Two ways to keep the listener engage without attacking back is to acknowledge that you’re not an expert. Even if you thought about it a lot, you allow the potential thought that you could be wrong. People often mirror each other in conversation, so if you acknowledge that you’re not an expert, it’s much easier for the people around you to do the same.
Verbalize if you see the other person getting uncomfortable. It shows that you are socially aware and tuned into their reaction. Adding self-deprecating comments also beats the listener to the punch of any cheap rebuttals they make have. If you can’t make them laugh, you can simply acknowledge their uncomfortable and suggest moving onto another topic. Whether they do or don’t, it will help your relationship and help the conversation go well if they see you prioritizing the relationship over making your point. It shows that your goal is to discuss an idea and not fight a person.
In the flow of a conversation, you don’t have to do all four at once. You can do the first two steps and let the other person raise their objections before you try to meet on common ground.
-Busy Brain