Exhaust Clarity

Now, the reason why this post has come to mind isn’t pleasant for me to recall as it pertains to a failed attempt at a relationship that took a course of seven months, but the universality of the way in which I had to find truth became something that I felt was worth mentioning.

For brief context, I had been dating someone long-distance and with that, all its draw-backs. Yet, if both people involved ultimately want to same outcome from it, the distance is manageable. In this case, that outcome was not the same and the unraveling may as well have started on day one.

Exhausting clarity doesn’t sound like a pleasant way to have a conversation, but it may be the result of many smaller moments that went unaddressed and as a result, creating the uncomfortable situation. Out of respect for yourself and others, if you truly want more from yourself, you need to hold tightly to your convictions while simultaneously testing and reexamining them to correct yourself along the way.

Basically, I was led-on from the beginning and chose to ignore the signs because I was optimistic. But optimism is characterized with being naive, and to that regard, I am not, to which that must means I was hopeful. As one should be when entering into a relationship mind you! I was hopeful towards a collaborative and mutual effort until circumstances began to prove otherwise.

I felt resentful as hopes were perceived as expectations which I realized happened once one side was putting in more effort than the other was willing to reciprocate. Everything that is, will be and with that, like a ship pushing through the ocean, have clear intentions with your actions and precise with your words. It forces the world around you to get on board or get out of the way.

As an example, this person said she wanted things to develop “normally and naturally” and to make a choice based on that. This statement is said so that you firmly place yourself within someone’s argument and by responding without clarity means you accept their definition on the statement blindly. I don’t know what this person means by ‘natural and normal,’ and they think they know. And the probability that they construe ‘natural and normal’ the same way I do is virtually zero. Also revealed in her statement was the action of ‘making a choice’ based from her definition after things develop. Did she not chose to date me in the beginning? It’s a statement that for me doesn’t work on multiple levels.

To exhaust clarity meant asking her to elaborate on what those words she chose meant before I felt comfortable responding to the full statement and ideally finding some common ground. The answer came to me as I steeped in the idea. I act as though I am ‘natural and normal.’ Now the other person can decipher for themselves whether or not to believe that I do, but if how I act isn’t how they act, then there lies the disconnect.

-Busy Brain